My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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