He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
