Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
