My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
