Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
