that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
