to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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