pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
