I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
