She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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