There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
