In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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