and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
