There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
