Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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