There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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