haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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