Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
