we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
