I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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