I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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