I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
