I could make wine with my vomit
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
