Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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