We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
