Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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