I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
