Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
