thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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