p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
