just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
