he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
