Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
