I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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