I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
