you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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