I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
