we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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