you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
