After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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