I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
