It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
