If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
