she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
