Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
