I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
