I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
