I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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