I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
