I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
