Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
