R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I looked at my own cervix.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
