Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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